on my drive home from North Carolina, both kids passed out in the backseat,
I was thinking about when I was a little girl
one of my favorite places to go was to my grandparents house
there is NOTHING like a grandparent.
ok do this. think of how many things you got away with while under their supervision.
see what i mean?
and at the same time remember how many hugs, kisses, sweet treats, lap sits, special gifts and memories made there were?
GRANDparents.
im very serious when i say this.
I thought they would NEVER die.
the mere thought never crossed my mind.
I mean my pa-paw was most likely made of steel, he lived through so many things a person probably shouldn't live through.
then Jan 2000 I was told his kidneys were failing. I was 11.
I cried.
My mom wasnt doing well either and that was hard on me, internally.
I went to the hospital for my last visit with my Pa-Paw
MY pa-paw
Im sure at 11 I didnt realize how crazy that visit really was.
...the last time
really?
He was in and out of comas, not eating, not talking, nothing.
but that night
he was most like himself.
sitting up, eating, he got a bath.
I swear I remember that night like it JUST happened
I ran into his room on the left at the end of the hall.
there were people standing around, everyone was happy.
MY Pa-paw was sitting up in his hospital bed, he smiled and I ran into his arms
I remember his smell.
one of my most favorite smells.
and guess who got to sit on his lap?
oh yea, ME!
that was our thing!
He looked at me in my eyes and said
" Pa-paw loves you very much "
" I know Pa-paw "
" I love you too "
That was the last time I saw him.
My Memaw was NEVER the same. That was her man. her handsome man.
she sold the house, moved into a condo and slowly became less and less like herself.
she did have her ups through out the years
and defiantly her downs.
There was always some kind of hurt or pain or sickness she was dealing with
but like I said there were ups too!
She did her best once she was in an assisted living home. She needed to be needed.
The others that lived there "needed" her she would say.
im sure they did
2011 Memaw got sick, and I use that term VERY lightly
CANCER
it was there and she didnt want to fight it
and so, I had the "last" visit again
this time i was 22 years old
and 36 weeks pregnant
Memaw was in SO much pain that the hospice nurse gave her
A LOT of pain meds
so MUCH that she was barely responsive
I watched not really knowing what role I played
in a room of her sons and daughters
I felt 11
I was scared
sad
I just wanted EVERYONE OUT of the room so I can hold her hand
I really wanted to lay with her and close my eyes and pretend this wasnt really happening
it was me and heathers turn to talk to her
she was awake and not in pain
AS SOON as she saw us she SMILED
I cried.
I put her hand on my belly and told her the doctors said Charley would be here soon
she SMILED again
she told us " I love you girls "
" we love you too memaw "
she smiled
I cried
that was pretty much the last thing she said to me
I sat and held her hand for a while
but then it was time to go
and I KNEW it was the last time id ever see her
HOW IN THE WORLD do you walk away?
a dear dear friend was there for that moment, she sat with me, waited and walked me out to my car.
super tough.
My Memaw was suppose to be in the room when Charley was born
which was only 10 days after she died :(
TEN DAYS
that messes me up
She never got to see my Charley June
well tonight I went to visit my Nanny
my dads mom
She has Cancer too
I dont want to watch my dad go through this
and I DEFIANTLY dont want to watch my Nanny go through it
She is in good spirits and seems to want to fight this.
I have a lot of good memories with her but a lot of regrets as well
I wish I would have visited her MORE
she only lives an hour away
now she is sick
( sick used lightly )
and now I show up
Im happy im "here"
but sad its now
She met Charley tonight
Charley looks like my dad did when he was a baby
She loved that.
even though today was a good day, It obviously brought back a lot of memories
Good ones
and sad ones
but whatever they are, they are mine
they make me ME
I hate to break the news to you
if you didn't already know
Grandparents DON'T live forever
they aren't made of steel
PLEASE love on them, spend time with them, visit them
I can tell you one thing, THEY LOVE THE MESS OUT OF YOU
the love FROM a Grandparent is like no other
all they want to do is see you
that is enough for them
their love is so pure
please visit your Grandparent if and while you still have them
I dont know why I wrote this, I know I want to share it
for whatever reason
I MISS my Memaw and Pa-paw
A LOT A LOT
things just aren't the same
<3
I thought Grandparents lived forever.
